I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
