My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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