So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
