It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
