I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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