how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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