Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
