My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
