What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
