I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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