I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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