Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
