i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
