Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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