I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
