quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
