You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
