So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
