be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
