Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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