Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
