Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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