Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
