Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just pee around me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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