i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
