He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
