Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
