I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Still dying that you shit outside
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
