I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
