i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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