he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
