how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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