now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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