I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
