you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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