be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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