I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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