Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
