There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
