oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
