I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
