There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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