I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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