so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
