a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
