Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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