I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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