Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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