Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
