It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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