I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
