your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
