Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
