don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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