she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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