I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Bring me that man meat
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
