No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
