don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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