Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
