Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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