I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
