this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
