you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
