dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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