I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
