There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
