You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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