Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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