I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
