Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.