I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong