walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.