Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.