I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
