I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
