oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
