Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
