i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
