There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
