OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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