i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
