Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
