Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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